How To Reflect on a Hard Year

USA, 1993.

At the end of the year we are often encouraged to look back and take stock, noting the highs and the lows of the past year. 2020 has been a really lousy year, and for most of us, the lows have been both abundant and extremely low. While I would never suggest that anyone ignore or suppress negative feelings, and this year has stirred up plenty of them, I do want to suggest that there is value in emphasizing the positive when you think back on your experiences this year.

Our brains adapt and change in response to our experiences, laying down new neural pathways that affect both our conscious thoughts and our unconscious patterns, unconscious patterns which, as I’ve discussed in previous blogs, can have an enormous influence on our actions. These changes in the brain are triggered by the direct stimulus of an experience, but they are also affected by how we remember and relive the experience in our mind. In effect, dwelling on something after the fact can log it into the unconscious, etching deeper neural pathways. So isn’t it better when reviewing the year to concentrate on the positive, and give those experiences more of a chance to influence your future actions?

So as you think back over the year, you could dwell on the trips you had to cancel, the concerts you couldn’t attend, or the holidays you had to celebrate aways from your extended family. But while I certainly don’t want you to forget your personal struggles during this terrible year, nor the larger tragedies we have endured as a society, you would probably be better off concentrating on the positive things that have happened in your life despite, or even because of, the pandemic. Instead of remembering the times you couldn’t cope and felt despair, remember the times you muddled through and retained your hope.

Several of my clients have told me inspiring stories of finding the glimmers of light in the darkness. One client lost both her parents this year, and because of the pandemic she was unable to be with them at the end. But during the year she actually had more interactions with them than usual; knowing she couldn’t visit them, she had made a point of calling them regularly, and even introduced them to video calling so they could see each other.

Another client was laid off because of the pandemic. It was from a job that was giving her less and less joy, but she had been afraid to leave it because it was so lucrative. The lay-off gave her the needed push to reframe what she wanted from a job, and allowed her to take the first steps on a new career path. Yet another client is the founder of a company whose business took a big hit from the pandemic. He spent the year investing in his people and his product, and while his bottom-line has suffered this year, his company will end the year in a strong position, and it was even able to have a positive impact by starting a new product line..

With more positive memories at the forefront of your thoughts,
you will be in a better shape to bounce back in 2021

It may be hard to find an obvious silver lining in your own story of the year. But at the very least, you survived and made it through the year, and that’s something to celebrate. Hold on to that sliver of light, and remember your resilience more than your despair. With more positive memories at the forefront of your thoughts, you will be in a better shape to bounce back in 2021, which we can only hope will be a much better year than the one we have just endured.